


Open Eyes At Witching Hour.

by LoghstWayBeyondLife



Series: Sander Sides Fics [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Sandersides - Freeform, Thomas Sanders References, Triggers, moxiety - Freeform, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoghstWayBeyondLife/pseuds/LoghstWayBeyondLife
Summary: Virgil Dusk is the 'weird' kid the freak according to most of the students in his senior year class. He joined the high school beginning of the previous year not expecting to make friends and not expecting to even see the end of the year. Things didn't go to planThat's where Patton Hart comes in, He tried multiple times to befriend the darker student, he was turned away for weeks, refusing to give up despite what his friends said.Then Virgil gave up trying - hoping maybe if this 'Patton' saw how messed up he was he'd leave him alone. Once again things didn't go to planand this is the story of how they fell in love.Based off 2 songs|Witching Hour| - The Ready Set - Virgil's PoV|One Eyes| - Jake Scott - Patton's PoV
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Sander Sides Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907452
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	1. Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Normal Writing - Main view  
> Italics - Thoughts  
> Bold - Song Lyrics  
> Bold Italics - Song lyrics in thought

**Chapter One|Sleep  
** **Point Of View| Virgil  
** **(Trigger Warning - Bullying, light mentions of self-harm at the end)**

Virgil let out a frustrated sigh, tossing and turning within the dark covers of his bed, hoping for sleep to take him. After another couple of minutes, which seemed like so much longer to the exhausted teen, he sat up swinging his lanky legs over the edge of his bed, hand coming up to rub as his tired eyes. 

His hand ventured under his pillow gripping his phone to retrieve it, hitting the button on the side he winced as the screen lit up. After 3 am. Again _._ ** _I wanna try to sleep all night for once_**. Defeated he stood pulling his jacket off his desk chair as he, as quietly as possible, exited his room heading to the end of the corridor towards the bathroom. 

He thought about a shower but decided against that just sticking to brushing his teeth and washing his face, though he wouldn't admit it, he was afraid to make too much noise, scared to wake the residents of his home unsure of the consequences of doing so. He had been here long enough to know that he wouldn't be punished like he used to but with thoughts of his past plaguing his mind again he didn't want to risk it. 

He looked into the mirror above the sink, gripping the sides of the porcelain bowl- knuckles white - as he took deep breaths. _You are okay, you know this_ he sighed _Things are different now._ This is how a lot of his mornings went recently, Virgil has had symptoms of anxiety and depression from well into his childhood but it took for his situation to change before he got diagnosed, knowing what was wrong with him made things so much easier. 

Back in his room, he checked the time again. 4.46 am. another frustrated sigh, he wished the memories would go away, he hated remembering what he went through, he hated remembering the pain. But he was right in knowing things are different now. He was safe now but still **Shadows of his past life keep him up.**

Once dressed, in a grey checkered jacket lined with fluff, a deep grey shirt, and some ripped grey jeans, he was in front of the mirror again. This time with his eye shadow, lining under his eyes. This became a habit of his once he realized that concealer couldn't hide his bags after his worse nights and it slowly just became apart of his everyday outfit. It helped him express himself. 

It was half-past 6 before anyone else came downstairs, Virgil sat on the counters in the kitchen back against the fridge, black coffee in hand. The first of his...family to appear was Jessie. "Oh, Good morning Virge - I hope you slept well" she smiled. Virgil returned her smile and gave her a nod as to not worry her. 

"Have you taken your meds yet? " she asked casually as she filled the kettle to make herself a drink. " Not yet" he replied, his voice was hushed as if he didn't want someone to hear. A simple nod was the reply he got from Jessie. "Take them after breakfast okay?" she asked, a little bit of hope in her voice. The meds were a recent addition to his morning routine and he wasn't quite used to taking them yet.

At 7:15 everyone was up and around the table, tucking into the breakfast that Jessie had made, bacon, eggs, and beans with toast, there was an idol chatter among them, Wren, his younger sister, and Noah his younger brother were the main ones talking, excited for the first day of the new school year, the complete opposite to how Virgil was feeling. To say he was anxious was putting it lightly. 

"Wren honey, put your shoes on, the bus will be here soon" Jessie smiled, Virgil watched from his perch on the counter with a small smile, a small container in his hand, the name of the medication written in bold along with his name underneath. "Bye Mommy" and "See ya Mom" were heard as his siblings ran out of the house towards the school bus at the end of the drive.

Virgil popped the lid on the tube, placing one of the small pills in his mouth, Jessie handing him a glass of water with a smile after she reentered the kitchen. "Please try not the get in trouble today Virge," Jessie asked. "I'll try Jessie" He gave her a smile, Jessie was indeed his mom - well Foster mum but it felt wrong to call her Mom. "No promises though" he half-joked as he stood grabbing his bag and heading for the door, "Bye Jessie, Bye Matt" he waved to his parents as he left. 

The high school building seems to be bigger every year even though it hasn't changed, keeping his head down, hood pulled over. He was **Stressing but he couldn't stop banking on problems.** All that ran through his head was the thoughts of last year, the bullying that he went through, how badly he was hurt, but also how happy he was with his friends. As he headed through to the office for his timetable he kept his fingers crossed that he at least had a class with his friends. 

He gave a greeting to the older lady sitting beyond the wooden desk, stating his name and retrieving the paper which listed his classes. A small smile played on his lips as he noted his first class was creative writing. 

Glancing at his phone he noticed it was 8:20, and he began his walk across campus to the outdoor arts building, unfortunate he wasn't as subtle as he wanted to be as he looked up from the checkered floor catching eyes with a jock looking lad, blonde hair slicked back, varsity jacket around his shoulders. 

"Well if it isn't the Emo " a stern hand gripped his shoulders. a cold shiver went down his spine as his hood fell and he was pushed to the ground. Virgil was used to this, he has always been pushed around but he was far too exhausted to deal with this today. "just..leave me alone..please" his voice was weak, he knew he shouldn't talk back.   
  
And he was right, a boot made contact with his gut. "oi, you know what happens when you talk back" another boot hit him knocking the air out of him as he tried to get off the floor. "Stay down there where you belong Emo" another boot, a whine exited Virgil lips that he couldn't keep back. 

"I advise you back away before you end up in the same state" a different voice expressed but was stern, heroic even. "And who are you to stop m-" before they could end their sentence there was a groan and a thud as someone else hit the floor and a hand gripped Virgil's as he tried to stand up causing him to flinch. 

"It's only me Virge" Virgil had finally grounded enough to recognize the voice, accepting the help of the floor, he glanced at his feet when he was finally stood, gripping his side where he was kicked. "Are you okay?" the voice came again and no reply came. After a couple of minutes, it was decided that they would go to their lesson, which they found they shared, and if Virgil was still in pain that they'd go to the nurse. 

By lunch, Virgil had had a few more encounters with those who bully him and wasn't always as lucky as to have a friend to save him. normally he'd fight back but he doesn't want to worry Jessie by getting excluded again. 

He was currently walking with Patton, after catching them in the corridor after his psychology class. "Are you okay V?" Patton's signature smile played wild on their lips, their caramel curls poofed atop their head, freckles dusting Patton's cheeks and big round glasses on the bridge of their nose. Virgil was sporting a bit of a bruised face and a small limp. 

"Honestly, I've been better but I'll be fine Pat...thanks" Virgil hates getting the pitty from his friends but he knows they that all mean well. Patton hummed in response as they entered the cafeteria, joining the line to purchase their food before heading outside to the courtyard to meet up with Roman and Logan under one of the great trees. 

"Virgil, salutations" Logan nodded Virgil's way. "I trust you are doing better than this morning" he added. Roman expressed his concern about Kyle, the blonde jock, in the class they all share, Calculus which of course led to Patton and Logan also expressing concern - including Logan threatening to go to the principle...Again. 

Hours later when he finally got out of the building he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders, he knew Kyle had soccer after the final lesson so if he got out quickly enough he can avoid him altogether. Currently, he was standing with all 3 of his friends, Patton was waiting on their younger brother Decan as Patton drives them home and Romans was waiting on his twin Remus for the same reason. 

Virgil gave them a two-finger salute bidding them farewell as he began the 25-minute walk home, it was currently 5 pm and he knew that all but Matthew would be at home when he got there. 

It was about 8 pm when he finally got into his room, as much as he would have loved to have been in there as soon as he stepped through the door, but his foster family has a system and he will forever try his best to stick to it so he doesn't upset them. At 6 pm was dinner and 7 was homework, which he also helped Wren with but being in 1st grade it was mainly spelling. 

Virgil flopped back onto his bed, kicking his shoes off exhausted; like he had been all day. Everyone else seemed so refreshed today, to say it was the first day back everyone was so..happy and Virgil didn't understand how did people get through the day, he had only **heard that energy is a constant state** he had no real experience with this claim.

Sitting back up he shrugs off his jacket, hanging it up behind his door before opening his closet and grabbing a pair of purple plaid Pjs and a plain black pull-over hoodie. He walked over to the bathroom locking the door and jumping in the shower, clicking play on his playlist, singing quietly to himself to his songs as he washed. 

Back in his room, he pulled up his sleeves with a sigh taking in a seat on his window sill opening the window and staring into the dark, beyond the horizon, and placing his earbuds into his ears, his right hand absentmindedly traced over the marks that scattered his left wrist. he's glad he is working towards staying clean, since January he hasn't slipped up but he has been close a few times, heavily relying on his friends to get himself through but he knows that **nothing ever ends, it will only change, Life is people's perception and it's theirs to make. Virgil is just very aware that he needed a couple of takes.**

**\----**  
**Quick a/n.  
This book is vaguely based on 2 songs I heard, those being The Witching Hour by The Ready Set, which is Virgil's point of view and Open Eyes by Jake Scott, which is Patton's point of view.   
However, most of the lyrics have been changed to be more fitting to the plot and story and not every line of the songs are used and by no means can be sung to the tune and aren't supposed to.   
The Chapters are alternating meaning next will be Patton.   
(Dunno when this will be posted but I wrote this on April 2nd, 2020)  
Hope You Enjoyed it! Let me know!  
-Loghst **


	2. Enough

** Chapter Two|Enough **   
** Point Of View|Patton **

Patton stared into the dark, mind racing with worry. Virgil had been having a bad time again and it was only the first day back at school. He didn't deserve to go through so much. From what Patton had learned in his year-long friendship with Virgil, which wasn't very much, he had had a rough time growing up which landed him in foster care. 

Patton was always one to worry but couldn't help accidentally slipping flirty comments into their talks, Patton had a crush on his friend since about December of the previous year, long before learning about his family, but they tend to **size Virge up but hiding it in a question** to cover for their feelings scared to be seen as being pitty and turned away for being into males. 

Patton's mind was still racing with thoughts of Virgil, **you'd think it was love but really it's a weapon** in the eyes of Patton as their heartaches every time they see them suffer, every time Virgil is hurt or sad or quiet. Patton beats themself up claiming they aren't good enough for their friends. Of course, all this is lies, they are reminded when they are around Logan, Roman, and Virgil but when they are apart, Patton seems to forget this.

They are very aware that they will be accepted if Patton came out to their friends because Patton is very open about their gender identity, being non-binary. Patton didn't want to force their friends to change how they are referred to, telling them if they find it difficult to change the pronouns they use when referring to Patton, telling them it is acceptable to use he/him. They don't like he/him and it causes them dysphoria but to keep their friends happy Patton would do anything.

of course, they all accepted Patton's identity and try their hardest to correct themselves when they slip up, which is understandable as it was only just before summer in June when Patton came out **they were screaming for change and called it honesty** because being closeted was hurting more than helping but instantly felt bad because they didn't want to be a bother. 

2:54 am. Patton wasn't much of a night owl and being awake at such a time sure was unusual but they couldn't help it. Patton's mind was racing to the point of becoming bothersome. They didn't think it was possible _was this what Virgil had to deal with_ another thought to add to their collection, another thought to bother them, another thought to plague their mind. 

Then it was suddenly 6 am and a knock was on their door "Get up dork" came a voice from the other side. It was their brother Decan. Patton and Dee didn't always see eye to eye but had been more accepting then their father had when they came out as non-binary.

They heard steps echo down the corridor telling Patton that Dee didn't stop to make sure that his 'brother' was awake before leaving. Patton's head was hurting from the lack of sleep and eyes felt heavy with the need for rest but reluctantly they swung their legs off the bed steadying themselves as they stood. 

Reaching to the bedside table Patton grabbed the glasses that sat there, setting them on their nose and reaching for their phone too, smiling to see a message from Virgil.   
**Virgy:** _Morning Pat, hope you got enough sleep last night, I know how you worry when I'm having a bad day :/_  
The smile on their lips grew wider, Patton's friends knew them so well, but they also know that they can't lie because Virgil already knows the answer, as much as Patton wished their friends **would only see the things they wanna see** but they never do, what they want to see is Patton happy and they can see when they aren't, they may not always point it out directly but Patton can see their personas change drastically when Patton's mood lifts throughout the day. 

By the time Patton was ready to leave, dressed in a baby pink long sleeve shirt, some pale denim dungarees, and some cute white sneakers, it was 7:47 and their brother was waiting impatiently by the door, frustrated scorn on his face as he tapped his foot on the floor. "Hurry Up you idiot, if I'm late you'll regret it" Patton took nothing their brother said to heart, _being 16 must just be a tough time for Decan,_ it sure was for Patton, that was when they started coming to terms with who they were. 

They weren't late, and in honesty, if Dee didn't keep failing his driving test then he wouldn't have to rely on Patton but they wouldn't ever voice their opinions, Patton didn't want to hurt his feelings or cause any trouble. It was 8:12 when they arrived, there was a small discussion of the meeting at the front of the building after the school day and with that, they parted ways. 

The day whizzed around Patton, they felt like they were in a daze. They met with Logan, Roman, and Virgil in homeroom where they all sat together. They plastered a wide smile on their face, only half forcing it due to the exhaustion that played on their mind. They didn't want to become a cause for concern for their friends. 

"Hey, Guys!!!" Patton cheered when lunch finally came around. Virgil shot a meaningful glance searching for anything out of the usual before returning the greeting. "Hey, Pat how are your classes?" and the conversation continued as so, the four of them having idol conversation. Patton was pleased to see that Virgil look a lot less beat up then he did yesterday. 

By the time last class finished Patton was ready to pass out but they pushed their sleepiness aside, they had to drive after all. As usual, after school, Patton met up with the other three as they waited for their siblings or just waiting around to keep each other company. "You Guys still coming over tonight?" Roman was the one to ask, it was their usual Tuesday routine, Changing houses each week but not the less, they'd go over to each other's homes and have a 'sleepover'. 

Patton was the last to answer, they hesitated, they always loved going to their friend's houses and spending time with them but they felt so ... bad today, they felt so exhausted mentally and physically. A hand warmed in theirs, bringing them back down to earth, freckled cheeks burning with heat as they realized who it belonged to. 

Virgil

They caught eyes with Virgil, enticing pools of amber. Virgil gave Patton a reassuring smile. "Yeah of course Ro!" Patton's eyes widened in a smile, "Are you sure Pat, you seem a little....reluctant" Roman retorted but his voice wasn't sad but concerned. "Yeah, of course, Roman, I'd have it no other way!!" The smile was bright and mostly genuine. 

Soon enough Patton was packing their overnight bag, including their pale blue cat PJ top and matching grey/blue heart bottoms, their toothbrush, and clothes for the next day. Patton waved bye to their Parents, Decan not being present so didn't get a goodbye. Once in their car Patton turned no the radio selecting their CD to play while they drove the 10 minutes to their friend's house, It was 6:34 pm, 7 is the usual meet time, they would be early but that's nothing new. 

By the time everyone arrived, it was closer to 8 pm (mainly because Virgil will stick to his family's schedule no matter what) and they were all lounging in the grand living room, white walls, and red accents along with a contrasting black faux leather couch. Roman was setting up the console so they could play some games while they settle in for the night. 

By 9 pm Patton was struggling, by now they were all in their PJs, Roman in a simple white Tee and red and gold bottoms, Logan in a simplistic navy set and Virgil in some storm cloud bottoms and a grey top along with a purple hoodie. Currently, Patton was seated on the two-seater sofa next to Virgil blanket draped over the both of them as they watched some Disney movie, Logan and Roman on the other sofa also draped under a blanket. The sleeping arrangement would be Patton on one sofa, Roman on the other while Vigil and Logan slept on the floor. 

Patton excused themself a moment, **they had had enough** their head was reeling but they didn't want to disappoint their friends by falling asleep so early, but they were already here, They knew it was a bad idea to come, they normally see who can stay awake the longest - Virgil usually won - but sleeping wasn't even in consideration for any of them until at least midnight - even Logan took part. Patton wanted to leave so they didn't ruin any of the fun they usually had **but They didn't know where to go.**

**\----**

**Quick A/N**   
**Yes in my story Patton is canonically Non-Binary, they prefer they/them pronouns!**   
**It is still new to me to write from they/them point of view but it was fun and nice to try, it's a little difficult to keep up with and I had to go back and reread a few times to ensure I stuck to them.**   
  
**This is a Human AU - meaning none of them look the same and they don't tend to dress in the typical clothes we see them in, well maybe Virgil does XD**

**I always call these QUICK and they never are.**

Thanks for reading, I hope you have enjoyed!!   
**(Once again, no clue when I'll post this - most likely when everything is written - but written April 2nd, 2020)**

**-Neon!**


	3. Thinking

** Chapter Three|Thinking  
Point Of View|Virgil **

Virgil noticed his friend had been gone a little bit too long, causing concern to fill his heart, carefully untangling himself from the blankets he let Roman and Logan know he was going to check on Pat before leaving for the bathroom, knocking on the door slightly "Hey Pat, you okay?" there was a sound of shuffling behind the door before it unlocked, his friend gave no verbal reply. 

Taking it as an invite in he cautiously pushed the door open, Patton's head hung low, his round glasses on the end of the sink. "Hey, Pa-" Virgil cut himself off. "Oh, Pat" he let out a sad sigh turning Patton to face him, hooking a finger under their chin to lift their face to meet his eyes. Patton's hazel eyes were glossed over and tear streaks ran over their freckled cheeks. 

"Hey, Hey, It's okay..your okay" Virgil wrapped his arms around his friend pulling them close rubbing soothing circles on the small of Patton's back. This only encouraged more tears from his shorter friend. "I'm Sorry" a small voice came after a minute or two. "Look at me Pat" he used the same method as before to meet eyes with his friend. "You have nothing to be sorry for, we can talk about what's on your mind tomorrow, first you need sleep." Virgil gave a small smile. 

"What about the others, the games we normally play" Patton's voice flooded with concern and guilt. "Roman and Logan will understand Pat" Virgil offered his hand to Patton. as much as he wasn't a fan of physical contact, mainly due to past experiences, Virgil had the utmost respect and trust for Patton which made him feel comfortable and allows him to lower his walls. Patton looked at their joined hand before muttering " **Tell me why it feels like drowning here** " and Virgil replied with a sad smile, "because you care so deeply for all of us Pat, you are forcing yourself through the day for our happiness, it's time to look after yourself" Patton wiped their cheeks and eyes before placing their glasses back on giving Virgil and small smile with a nod. 

Hand in hand they made their way back to the living room, anyone could tell that Patton had been crying, his eyes were red and puffy but Virgil gave the others a look of _not now_ before sitting back on the sofa, pulling the blanket over himself and his sad friend waiting for Patton to get comfy, their hands still joined under the layers.

it was about half an hour later when soft, hiccuped snores came from where Patton lay, their head had found its way to Virgil's shoulder and he couldn't bring himself to move. Once they were sure that Patton was asleep Roman spoke up.   
"Are they okay?" He was concerned for his friend. Logan nodded in agreement also. "Yeah...from what I gathered they didn't get great sleep last night and were beating themself up because they thought if they fell asleep they'd be ruining the night" Virgil filled them in with as much as he could, hand tightening its grip on the sleeping friend's feeling bad because they felt bad. 

"Awe Pat should know by now they'd never ruin anything."Roman added with a sad smile, "Agreed, Patton cares too much for his friends, though it has been noted in the past he cares for you the most Virge" Logan's voice was level, he was never good at expressing his emotions. As Logan spoke, Virgil removed Patton's glasses, setting them just under the sofa as it was the safest place in reach, so that they wouldn't get damaged as he slept. 

" **You're overthinking it** Logan" Virgil chuckled, Patton cared for all his friends the same. "I don't have to think hard to bring upon occasions in which he has shown extra care towards you, Virge," Logan added, a small smirk played on his lips. "You also care for him a lot, you literally left to find him and clearly helped in through emotions." Roman chirped in. Virgil's cheeks flushed tinting pink against his pale skin. " **I wasn't thinking at all** a friend was clearly sad and I did what came naturally in the situation" he defended himself but the other two just smirked. 

By 1 am everyone else was asleep, they decided against their usual game this week, opting to put on another film instead and one by one slowly falling asleep. Virgil's arm was going numb and his neck ached from the angle he was sat so carefully he moved into a sitting position, his friend clearly needing the support and knowledge that he was there for them, laying them so their head was in his lap. It made it easier for Virgil to get comfy but the angle wasn't great for the blanket so Patton ended up with most of it.   
Not that Virgil need the blanket, he was warm enough as it was.

Virgil still couldn't sleep but was happy enough leaning his head back, eyes closed, music playing through his headphones. That was until he felt a stir in his lap, he slightly opened his eyes seeing Patton staring back. "Hi, Sleepyhead" Virgil instinctively ran a hand through the curly hair below him with a chuckle earning a big smile from the latter. " **Tell me how'd we got so up in arms?"** Patton's voice was croaked from sleep and their earlier sobbing and their sentence made no sense, they noticed this after a second scrunching their nose in realization. "I'll try again " They chuckled not making no move to change how they were laid. 

"How we end up like this?" They smiled as their sentence came out as intended this time. Virgil just shrugged, "It's comfy?" He smirked, placing his headphones around his neck and the latter nodded faint dusting of pink highlighting their freckles. "What Time is It V?" Virgil checked their phone, "About 5, You should get some more sleep Pat" Virgil answered. Patton shook his head, which he realized isn't easy when laying down, proceeding to sit up, Virgil held back a whimper as the warmth left his lap, which made Virgil think about his feelings _**have I lost that hopeful warmth?**_ he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind, not important at the moment. 

"Have you slept V?" Patton looked up with curious eyes which were enhanced by the fact he didn't have his glasses on. He considered lying, but the longer he looked into Patton's hazel eyes the more impossible lying became. Defeated he shook his head. Patton gave him a sad smile. "Are you okay?" They asked, voice level and calm. "I promise Pat, **You're overthinking it** " Virgil smiled. Patton gave a look mixed between sadness and curiousness. 

"How about if I lay like this, is this comfy for you?" Patton smiled, clearly still fueled by a hazy sleep as they'd never be so bold, lying their head lightly on Virgil's chest, giving a small hum as they found themselves comfy closing their eyes. When Virgil didn't answer Patton shot up realizing what he had done. "I'm so sorry V.. **.I wasn't thinking at all** " They looked upset and flustered. Virgil said nothing in return, just simply guiding Patton's head back down to its possession slightly on his chest, slightly on the crook of his neck giving a content sigh. "Yeah Pat, I'm comfy" Virgil gave another small smile, he began to realize that he smiled more around Patton. 

For once in his life, he was thankful for being **wide awake in the witching hour.**

**\---**

**This one is quick I swear xD  
A/N  
Just a quick rundown of pronouns and sexual identities as I probably won't go much into explicitly saying what they identify as within the chapters - granted so far they all feel pretty chaotically written as I'm on no sleep and its current noon lol. **

**Patton - They/Them Non-Binary (Agender) Pansexual (Patton is their chosen name)  
Logan - He/Him (Cis) Demiromantic Asexual   
Roman - He/Him (Cis) Gay  
Virgil - He/Him(Cis) Biromitic Asexual.**

**Thanks for reading Hope you enjoy it!!  
Lemme know what you think.   
(Written April 2nd, 2020) **

**-Neon**


	4. Questions

** Chapter Four|Questions  
Point Of View|Patton **

When Patton awoke they were sad to be the only one on the sofa, their head resting upon a pillow, they yawned, sitting up and stretching their aching muscles. Glancing around the room vaguely through blurred vision they saw that they were the last up. They didn't remember taking their glasses off and couldn't find where they were placed them. _Of Course, I lost them again_ a frustrated sigh came from their lips.

A Small sound of chatter echoed from another room in the house. "So what was with you and Patton last night?" Patton knew it was Roman talking. "Drop it" Virgil hissed. Patton instantly felt bad, _was Virgil getting questioned because of their stupidity?_ With fuzzy vision, they stood from their position on the sofa, _Where the heck are my glasses?_

Patton made their way through to where they thought the voices were coming from, hands running through their head full of disheveled curls. Suddenly Patton felt sick with guilt as they thought more and more about the night before. _Remember Patton, **Virgil**_ _ **told you to hold his hand,** but maybe I should have cherished it more, clearly, Virgil did it to make you feel better nothing more. _

They rounded the corner, Roman's house was largely open plan meaning following the voices of his friends was rather easy, into the Kitchen. Patton stood in the entranceway staring in, Roman and Virgil were still in their PJs, resting some of Patton's mind because they'd forgot to check the time and they all had school today seeing as it was Wednesday.

"Ah, Salutations Patton, I hope you slept well" Logan turned with a smile. Instantly, as soon as Patton's presence was announced, Virgil's face flushed tinted cheeks against pale skin. Roman gave a smirk. "Good Morning Pat!" Roman smiled, "It's just past 7 - My mum's just started breakfast, she's upstairs currently making sure Reem is up, - We were going to get You up pretty soon if you didn't wake yourself" He offered a bright smile, eyes flashing to Virgil. 

"Yeah..Erm..Morning.."Virgil was quite. "OH! erm, your glasses - I almost forgot - they are just under the front of the sofa!... I didn't want them getting damaged if you slept in them" Virgil was quick to speak, voice getting quieter as his sentence trailed off. Patton offered them both a warm smile, freckled cheeks heated as they made eye contact with Virgil. 

By 7:30 They were all dressed, sat around the Night family dining table, all making idle conversation. Patton was dressed in a light blue hoodie decorated with pink hearts on the chest and some simple blue jeans, his glasses now placed upon their face, bright smile upon their lips.   
"Roman all your friends are dorks, especially him" Remus hated it when they all stopped over and they all knew it. Patton's chest ached with hurt as Remus pointed at them. Patton might not expect people to refer to them with the correct pronouns especially when they don't know but it still hurt none the less. 

"Ree, I get that you aren't the biggest fan of my friends but deal with it, it is only once a month, Plus you call Patton a dork, yet _they_ are nothing of the such" Roman smiled back at his friends, it wasn't unusual for Remus to insult them but they never let it get to them too much. Patton smiled as they noticed Roman sticking up for them, their smile, which had faulted, widened While Romans mum scolded Remus for his words. 

By 8 they were all ready, Patton and Roman were the only 2 who drove and seeing as Romans house was a good half an hour walk to the school as per usual Logan and Virgil carpooled with Patton. Of course, someone could carpool with Roman but everyone deemed it best not to as Roman drove Remus. Once within the building, they all met up with Roman again. It was 8:15 and they all had a bit of time before first class meaning they, as usual, began to discuss next week's sleepover, At Logan's home this time. 

Patton still could shake what they had heard their friends discussing during the morning, but it wasn't their place to ask. By lunch they couldn't recall much of what they had learned during their classes, it was eating them up. They'd have to have a talk with Virgil, they felt so bad about causing such a hassle the night before. As usual, Virgil caught Patton up as they exited their Environmental Science class, which is something Patton was thankful for as this year They feared they'd be walking to lunch alone as no one shared their class. 

"Hey Pat" Virgil offered his signature two-finger salute. "H..hey V" Patton couldn't stop the shake in their voice as they spoke, suddenly the idea of talking to Virgil about the events of last night seemed almost impossible. Almost - Patton was determined to talk about things. "Gee P, Are you okay?" Virgil has stopped walking, causing people to complain in the busy corridor. "Erm...Ye-" Patton cut themselves off. _It's only Virgil Patton, Pull yourself together_ "no..." They sounded defeated, This response didn't seem a shock to the other but his face twisted with concern. 

"Can we talk somewhere...alone?" Patton asked. The only response Patton got was a slow nod as they turned and took off to the front of the building. They sat down on the steps, Virgil jointing them. "What's on your Mind Patton? Is it about Remus this morning because if he hurt you I swear to - " He got cut off. 

"Virgil, Have I done something wrong?" Patton could feel the tears, he's been holding them back since they heard what Roman was suggesting to Virgil this morning. _So what was with you and Patton last night_ Romans words echoed through their mind countless times. Virgil seemed taken back. "Pat, Of course not, what on earth would make you think that?" Virgil didn't sound forceful or accusing, his voice was level. 

"I..Heard what Roman was saying thing morning. I'm sorry my actions made him submit you to that.." Virgil froze up hesitating before replying. Patton took this for the worst. "I'm sorry...I truly am V...I messed up...I should **count it as a blessing** that you even still talking to - " Patton was rambling, tears rolled down their face slowly at first, but soon turned to full out sobbing. "Pat...Hey Patton...Look at me," Virgil repeated his actions of last night, hooking a finger under his friend's chin to lift their face to meet his. 

"I'm sorry you heard what Roman was talking about, but you should never, ever apologize for something such as last night, especially when you did nothing wrong. You were hurting and so I helped you - willingly - you didn't submit be to Romans questioning, I submitted myself to it. You haven't messed up because you could never hurt me and I could never hate you" Virgil took Patton's hand, still meeting Patton's watering eyes. 

" **Don't go second guessin',** Pat. Don't ever second guess our friendship. **Don't go askin' any questions** in fear of the answer, if you ever. and I mean ever have any doubts I'm always here for you. " Virgil wrapped his arms around his friend. Patton was taken back - he wasn't expecting such as response and he certainly wasn't expecting the reaction Virgil gave him. 

Soon enough they joined the others for the last half of lunch, they had sat in their previous position on the front steps of the building while Patton collected his thoughts. "Where were you guys? we were beginning to worry" Roman was the first to speak when they made it to the tree. "Affirmative, neither of you are usually ones to be late," Logan added with a nod. "We got caught up with something" Virgil spoke before Patton did. Patton added their input with a nod. "Sorry, everyone it was my fault, I had an issue to take care off and Virgil offered to help me with it" A nervous hand rudded against their neck as they hoped no one would question it. 

By the time Patton was home they were tired, but they were happy. Due to their persistent thoughts, Patton had a lot of work to catch up on and homework as well but they were happy with their and Virgil's chat, it eased a lot of weight off of their shoulds. "Hello Honey, how was the sleepover?" Patton's mum chimed "Dee wasn't very happy when he realized what day it was and he had to walk to school this morning" She added, Patton already knew the latter of her words because Decan had complained the entire drive home. 

"The sleepover was fun, and school was good too" Pattons reply was simple and brought a smile to his mother's lips. "I'm glad to hear dear, Boys- " She started before correcting herself "Pat, Dee dinner will be ready at 7" and with that, his mother went back to the housework she was taking care of. Decan huffed pushing past his elder 'brother' waving a greeting to his mother, kicking his shoes off and heading up to his room. 

Patton had a warm smile upon their lips from their mother's efforts. They placed their black ankle-high trainers by the door before heading up the stairs themself, closing their bedroom door behind themselves and placed their backpack on their bed to empty it. Both PJs and yesterday's clothes put into their wash hamper and pulled their school work out to sit at their desk and work through it. 

By the time They were called down for dinner, Patton had caught up on some of the work from a few of his classes - Marine Bio and Zoology - he still had thoughts of the day whizzing around their head but they brushed them off, forcing the thoughts to the back of their mind determined to finish their work. After dinner, it was starting to get late, it was just after 8 and even though Patton still had work to do AND the homework from each of their classes, once in their room Patton fell onto his bed. Staring at the ceiling they allowed the remainder of their thoughts to return. 

Patton was still convincing themself that they had messed something up even though Virgil had assured them they hadn't. They took a deep breath to steady their mind and slow their thoughts. _**Don't look around you** for the answers, you already know them Pat, __**Keep starin' forward** trust in what Virgil told you. you trust Virgil more than anyone so keep your trust in their words. You don't have to know everything, just know that you messed nothing up - Virgil is your friend and will do anything to help you. tressure that. _

Patton closed their eyes for a moment shaking their head and thoughts of their feelings towards their friend crossed Patton's mind, _Push them back Patton, your feelings don't matter as long as Virgil is happy you are happy, **paint a circle,** for the thoughts to **stay inside.** Keep them to yourself. _

**Fool Yourself with open eyes.**  
"If I pretend they aren't there then no one will know about them" Patton gave themselves a sad smile, taking off their glasses to rub their eyes before making their way back to the desk. Turning on the PC to work on their Photography work, then moving onto all their homework for the day. _Tonights going to be a long one_ Patton thought, and they were right as it was almost 2 am before they got to bed. 

**\------  
VERY QUICK a/n   
Bit of angst in this one - I think xD   
It was fun to write that's for sure!!  
Let me know your thoughts?   
I'm still not 100% with pronouns so if I slipped up anywhere let me know! I tried to catch the mistakes as they happened.   
(Originally Written April 3rd, 2020) **

**-Neon**


	5. Medicine

**Chapter Five|Medicine**   
**Point Of View|Virgil**   
**Warning - sTRONG language  
Trigger Warning -Panic Attacks, **

Virgil sighed deeply gripping the anxiety medicine between his hands, it's fall break now meaning he's been on these for about 3 months but he was yet to feel their effects. It was his own fault really _**I'm taking medicine I know I shouldn't start and stop**_ but he couldn't help it, adding the to his daily routine was hard, he almost always took them in the mornings because Jessie was there to remind him but he almost always forgot by nightfall and Jessie worked nights meaning he had no reminder. 

Virgil did feel better with every pill but also knew that if he didn't take them consistently he wouldn't start to actually feel better. It was hard. His pills are meant to run out every month, enough in the bottle for one in the morning, one at night and some extra for if he had any major panic attacks. At the end of the month when Jessie had to go pick up the next bottle she'd ask Virgil if he used them all. He'd show her the bottle with a few left in (which were the 'spares') while he emptied what he hadn't used into his desk draw. 

He feels guilty for lying but doesn't want to disappoint his family and make them worry so he finds it easier to lie than tell the truth and that leads to him lying to himself. He knows when he looks in the bathroom mirror saying that he is better that he's lying but maybe, just maybe _if I lie long enough will it become the truth._

Currently, Virgil was sat on his usual perch in the kitchen, back against the fridge, Jessie handing him a glass of water as he took his first pill of the day. "How are you feeling honey? Your assessment is coming up soon - I know you don't like taking the pills but its a necessity to help you " Jessie offered him a small smile, Virgil just nodded hand still gripped around the bottle. "I'm...Fine Jessie, the sooner I'm off them the better" Virgil offered a small, forced, chuckle. 

After a few moments of silence where Jessie continued to finish the washing up from breakfast she spoke up "Hey Virg, why don't you invite one of your friends around? You are 3 days into the Holiday and haven't left the house yet" Jessie offered a smile and a laugh. Virgil nodded, thinking. He didn't want to bother any of his friends but he didn't want to worry Jessie by not seeing anyone over this break. 

Up in his room over an hour later, he's staring at his phone anxiously. _Just text them for god sake Virgil_ he sighed standing up with a groan and he began to pace his room. He slowed his pace unlocking his phone and staring at Patton's contact in his phone - 'Pat 🍪' - before opening the chat with shaking hands, _why am I so nervous?_ the thought repeated in his head unable to come up with an answer. He began to write:

 **Virgy:** _Hey Pat, sorry if I'm bothering you but would you like to come over and hangout? it is okay if you don't want to._  
  
His hand hovered over the 'send' button for a couple of seconds before he closed his eyes pressed send and threw his phone across the room in a panic like he had just confessed his undying love for someone and regretted it instantly. His hands came up to his hair as his pacing stopped and as he sat at his desk, eyes never leaving his phone. 

It was less than 2 minutes before Virgil's text tone filled the air and the panic within him increase tenfolds. He took a deep breath focusing his breaths. _In for 4, Hold for 7, Out for 8_ he reminded himself. He stood up shakily _don't be so dumb, its only a text message, o_ nce he cleared his mind a little he walked over picking up his phone.   
  
**Pat 🍪:** _Of Course!! You aren't bothering me! I'll be there in half an hour?_  
  
Virgil let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. _Why was I so worked up over a silly text_ hethought before letting Jessie know his friend was coming round. "Virgy!" A small voice called as he turned to leave to the living room, a small figure latching to his leg as he tried to leave. "Play with me" the small child beamed. "Honey Virgil has a -" Virgil cut Jessie off with a wave of his hand "Okay Wren, but we play down here okay?"He showed her a smile lifting her off the floor and into the air 'booping' her nose. She nodded quickly excited to play with her brother. Once put down she led him over to the corner of the room where her Play castle was. 

Virgil soon lost track of time, he loved his siblings - even if Noah was reaching the age where he wanted his independence - Virgil would do anything for them. He'd never had siblings before but all he wanted to do was make sure they were happy and protected. Virgil was so engrossed In being the 'Bad guy' attacking the castle that he didn't hear the knock on the door. Only returning to the real world when Jessie spoke behind him. 

"Virgil, Your friend is here" The voice hit him and it took a minute for his mind to catch up. Instantly his face rushed with an embarrassed heat. He currently was still in his PJs with a pare of cardboard horns on his head. "Heh..hey Patton" He rudded his neck awkwardly, Patton beamed a child-like smile giving him a wave. "My friends here now Wren, Play again later okay?" Virgil's voice was smooth and Wren nodded happily running up to Patton. 

"Hewlo! I'm Wen" She spoke confidently, Patton crouched down to her level causing Virgil to smirk and stare in awe. "Hello there Wren, I'm Patton, it's wonderful to meet you!" They gave her a large smile and she giggled in return throwing herself at Them in a hug - Patton was taken back but returned the hug.

The onlookers laughed as Jessie spoke up, "Now come on dear, Let Virgil and his friend go" She smiled to Patton whispering a small sorry, which in response to Patton replied with an "It's not a problem." before being led off by Virgil, who grabbed them by the hand to drag them upstairs, letting go once they were at his bedroom door. 

"Sorry about that, My sister is one of the most outgoing people I've ever met" Virgil opened his door letting Patton in. "It really isn't an issue Virgil - I also find it adorable that you're so invested in playing with her" he grinned, Virgil's cheeks flushed pink. "Heh," he rubbed the back of his neck, looking down and noticing his clothes. "Shoot - Let me get dressed aha erm make yourself comfortable. " Virgil offered a small smile and Patton gave an amused laugh as Virgil ran off into his closet. 

Virgil took a deep breath as he closed the closet door, reaching up to the rails and pulling down a Nightmare before Christmas inspired pullover hoodie, a black band T and some ripped jeans. Once dressed he exited back into his room seeing Patton was sat by his desk looking curiously at an open draw. 

_SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT_  
( **TRIGGER WARNING HERE)**  
"Hey V, Whats with the Pil-"Patton shouted a little for his words to reach through what he thought was a closed-door - their breath caught in their throat as they turned to see Virgil in the doorway.   
Virgil was shaking, he could no longer recognize what was real or not as his ear rung. His chest hurt from labored breathes and his body ached. He couldn't stop shaking he felt so numb. He vaguely recognized Patton guiding him to the bed. Could barely hear him talk but his ears picked up on the word 'mom' to which Virgil felt himself shake his head, only for him to feel light-headed and pain to shoot through his skull. 

Patton crouched down to the height Virgil was at asking what he could do to help, his eyes wide in worry and Virgil tried to focus, his joints the stiff, fists clenched so tight it felt impossible for him to open his hands. Eventually, he managed to raise one finger to point to the open draw - unable to form words and tears flooded down his cheeks and the shaking intensified. 

Patton seemed to understand working fast to give him a small white capsule, frantically looking for a drink before reaching into his own bad for a bottle of water. Once taken Virgil waited for the effects to take place, Patton sat beside him holding his hand, When they felt the shaking slow they too initiative. "Virgil, look at me" They voice was calm but shaking, Virgil complied mind still fuzzy, Patton placed Virgil's hand on their chest.

"Copy me" They took breaths in for 4 seconds, holding it for 7 and let it out for 8, repeating themself until they noticed Virgil copying.

It was about 10 minutes later when Virgil had calm from his panic attack. Afterward, he just leaned his weight on Patton and they sat in silence for a while before Patton spoke up. "Are you okay?" Their voice was low, caring and concerned. Virgil's throat was a little hoarse from the harsh breathing and crying so he offered a small nod. 

it was another few minutes before he tried to talk. "I have quite severe anxiety....that's what the pills are for" his voice croaked and throat ached as he spoke. Patton offered a small smile handing him the bottle of water. Patton said nothing prompting Virgil to continue. "I've had the pills for about 3 months...I **tell myself I'm better so** I though myself into situations...but then everything hits me again **and then I fall into a hurricane of empty thoughts**."

There was a long sigh that emitted from him, he took a drink from the bottle. Patton wrapped their arm over his shoulder reassuringly, listening to every word intently. "that's when I get worse, **I become all my own problems when I** swore I was better. " His voice got lower, he was hesitating to finish his 'story'.He shook his head lightly. 

"I knew I wasn't okay, I knew I wasn't better. But I wanted to believe it..so I'd...I'd-"His voice was getting shakey, breathing irregular, Patton noticed. "Hey..hey its okay..you don't have to tell me V. " His voice was hushed and full of care. Virgil pushed on, holding back the tears taking a deep breath. "I stopped taking them regularly, only having one when Jessie was present as to not worry her" He finished and he felt Patton's grip tighten and their head lay on top of his. 

" **They are the only thing I got that takes the edge off, a wildflower garden growing in my head.** They take away the second-guessing, the hesitation, the ...anxiety, they help me think of something...better...calmer. " Virgil started noticing the small things, like how Patton's hand was still in his, they were rubbing calming circles on his knuckles, and how slow and calming Patton's breathes were. A smile settled on Virgil's lips. 

"Oh V, I'm sorry I had no idea. I didn't meet to snoop ya know - I just got a little curious when I saw it was open and all, I'm sorry to have caused this..."Patton's words were dripping with guilt and it pained Virgil to hear. He didn't move from his position but he held Pattons had tighter. "Patton, stop." He spoke. "You've done nothing wrong and I don't blame you - okay so maybe I was trying to hide it but maybe now you know it will help me to continue taking them." His smile grew

"You've helped me to see that there are things in my life **telling me that I still have a lot to give,** I'm sorry I never told you about my anxiety, it developed when I was young and it seemed to just fade into being normal for me - that was until I got diagnosed just before this school year" Virgil trusted Patton with all his heart and Patton deserved all the explanation he could give.   
  


"Thank You...Virg" Patton's voice was laced with Happiness though he couldn't see it Virgil was certain they were smiling and that made Vigil smile too **_Maybe there's beauty in all certainty, I hope there is._**


	6. Smile

**Chapter Six|Smile**   
**Point Of View|Patton**   


It had been a few hours since Virgils panic attack and currently, they were sat on Virgil's bed watching a show on his TV. They talked about a few more things before deciding to move on for a while and watch some TV. It was about 6 pm, Patton told their parents they'd be home about 7, that was until Jessie came knocking on the door. 

"Come in" Virgil spoke and she stepped in, "Hey kids, dinner will be ready soon - oh Patton can stop the night if you want" she explained before exciting and Patton looked at Virgil questioning. "I mean if you want you can" he smiled slightly. and Patton Nodded excitedly. "Lemme just drop a text to my parents" they smiled reaching over and grabbing their phone, hesitating "Erm...do you have any Pjs I can borrow?" they asked awkwardly. 

Virgil nodded with a chuckle "Of course" he nodded pulling himself off the bed and towards the closet. Patton nodded pressing send on their text to their parents. By the time Virgil had reemerged, Their parents had replied saying that it was okay - Patton smiled brightly. "Sorry, they aren't your aesthetic " Virgil chuckled with a Purple jacket and a black one, 2 oversized tees along with 2 pairs of long bottoms in his hands - Passing the purple one, one of the tees and some grey bottoms. 

Patton nodded gratefully "It's not an issue, I wouldn't expect you too!" They offered a cheery smile and a giggle. Inside Patton was bursting with happiness but also anxiousness, they've never had a sleepover just the two of them, it had always been all four of them.

20 minutes later they were changed and sat downstairs with Virgil's family having dinner. "Thank you for having me over Mrs. Dusk " Patton beamed Politely at Virgil's family. "It's not a problem Patton, you are always a pleasure" she smiled back. "Patton is the bestest" Wren piped up. usually, Virgil's friends didn't meet his younger siblings as they were usually in bed by the time they got here and had gone for the bus before they'd had much time to interact in the morning. 

Everyone laughed the small child's outburst and Virgil feigned offense. "I thought I was your favorite?" He huffed and the small blonde girl shook her head crossing her arms across her chest. "Nope" she stuck her tongue out. It was nice to see a playful side to Virgil. 

It was after 9 when they were both up in Virgil's room again, Virgil insisted on helping put Wren to bed and wishing goodnight to Noah like he usually did. It was sweet seeing this side to V. it shows how much he doesn't deserve the treatment he got at school. "What do you wanna watch?" He asked after reentering the room and Patton beamed, "Disney?" their voice was hopeful and Virgil let out a forced groan "Fineeee~ !" he whined followed by a chuckle. 

The Tv was on the wall by the foot of Virgil's bed so they both sat on the pillows, close enough for their shoulders to touch which filled Patton with warmth. "But first-" their voice was serious, something unusual for Patton, "Meds" he added a small smile. Virgil let out a sigh and nodded. Patton was going to make sure Virgil was looking after himself - that includes taking his meds. 

Virgil smiled at Patton before getting off the bed and over to his draw - taking out the tub and popping a pill between his lips. Patton was up instantly passing their bottle of water. Virgil drank down the pill. "Thanks" he offered a smile which they gladly returned. "Anytime." _Tell him you_ Patton stopped at the thought. You are _dancing around the things you wanna say._ "You okay Pat?"Virgil asked and they snapped back into reality. 

"Oh..erm yeah sorry - I got distracted" They rubbed the back of their neck. "When we get ready to sleep can we..." Patton hesitated, they were dumb for even suggesting this but they had already started and wasn't going to stop now. "Can we lay similarly to how we were that night at Romans? When you found me crying...I know its a dumb request and I shouldn't have asked but it just makes me feel safe and-" Patton was cut off by a hand in theirs, they look down at it mesmerized. 

"Of course Patton, whatever you are comfortable with then so I am, if you are happy then I'm happy, simple as" Virgil smiled squeezing their hand. This motion made Patton realized somethings, They were fed up with **hiding behind a smile on their face** when their feelings for Virgil came into question and had to fight off the want to confess to Virgil then and there. **They'd seen enough** they were certain on how they felt but they were unsure what to do, They **didn't know where to go** from there, they didn't know how Virgil felt. 

by 11 pm they were both under the covers watching their third Disney movie of the night, black cauldron - Virgil's favorite. Patton's head was laying between the crook of Virgil's neck and his chest, listening to Virgil's heartbeat as they watched the movie. Patton tried to find a comfy way of laying in which their hands weren't touching Virgil as to not make him uncomfortable but couldn't. The boy laughed and assured them that he didn't mind, wrapping his arm around Patton's shoulder to prove a point, so one of their hands was resting under his head while the other was across their friend's torso. 

Patton could feel themselves getting unwillingly sleepy, "Goodnight V" they muttered into the covers with a content smile. "Goodnight Pat" Virgil replied - Patton just barely felt Virgil place a small kiss atop their curly hair before drifting off. 

**\----**

**Sorry for the late update!!!**

**a/n**   
**This chapter is quite a bit shorter considering they are normally almost 2000 words but this is only just 1000 but to make up for it you can have some cute Moxiety moments!!**   
**To be honest this was meant to be quite the bit darker but I decided against it while writing it as it wasn't in my vision of the characters.**   
**It's very clear that actions are very out of cannon character especially Virgil but it's and AU so that's my defense xD**   
**I hope you enjoyed it - give me some feedback?**   
**(Written April 3rd,2020)  
  
**

**-Neon**


	7. Maybe

**Chapter Seven|Maybe**  
 **Point Of View|Virgil**  
 **Trigger Warning - Spoiler alert this chapter starts with a nightmare, indicated by** _Italics_ **. Swearing, physical abuse.**

_Virgil's hands clasped over his ears as he sat behind his bedroom door, rocking back and forth. Tears ran down his cheeks as loud sobs erupted from his throat. He tried to block out the shouting, the yelling._

_Then the pounding began- the door behind him began to shake as fists pounded heavily against the wood. "You little shit" a slurred voice hisses. The door cracked and in fear, the small child scrambled to their feet running to hide behind the far side of the bed. "Daddy, I'm sorry....I'm sorry" His voice shook and more tears fell from his brown eyes._

_"You will be sorry, what have you been told about talking back" His footsteps were heavy and stumbled as the alcohol controlled his movements. "One day you will learn your fucking lesson" He spat stalking closer to the child, who had shuffled so far back that his back hit the wall._

_A hand came around his to his collar, pulling him off the floor by the fabric. Virgil's hands came up to tug at the hands, clawing at them - hoping that their grip would release, pleads exiting their throat in a struggled tone. His vision was blurring, then he was tossed to the side harshly his body hitting the ground as the man who was meant to be his father, the man who was meant to love him, continued to shout degrading slurs and kick Virgil as he curled in on himself._

_before long black dots filled his vision and he passed out screaming "STOP...PLEASE" over and over again._

His senses came back to him as a small choked scream ripped through his throat, he was numb but he could feel a hand on his arm and he pushed himself back in a flinch from the contact. "V....V are you okay?" 

Virgil's eyes were still clouded with the nightmare but he could see ahead of curls sat in front of him. "Pa.Patton..." his throat hurt. "You are okay...Your safe Virge..." Patton reached forward again resting a hand on his, this helped to ground Virgil and he took a deep breath, taking his friend's hand in his. Virgil felt hands wrap around him and he melted into the hug - his chest heaving.

They lay like that for what felt like forever, Virgil's head buried in Patton's chest as he cried. It had been a while since he had thought about his past enough for it to affect his sleeping and he couldn't get it off his mind. Virgil could feel Patton's hand making soft calming circles on his back and he could feel calming words coming from them. 

"Do You want to talk about it?" Patton's voice was soft and Virgil hesitated. "Its...Nothing new...My past.....Sometimes **it feels like I'm drowning in it.** " he tensed. Virgil felt Patton pull him closer. "I'm so sorry you had to go through something that bad - I don't know the details, and I don't need them" Patton's voice was low, I'm a hushed whisper. "Try to Get some more sleep V, I'm going nowhere" Patton placed a kiss on Virgil's head. _**why does it feel so insincere?** Patton means every word but I can't help but doubt..._

The next time Virgil opened his eyes he could see daylight flooding his room, he could still feel Patton beneath his head and he let out a sigh of contentment burying himself further into the warmth, a smile on his lips. "Morning sleepy head" Patton smiled and Virgil lifted his head to meet Patton's eyes. "Mornin'" he yawned. 

Virgil searched their eyes for any sign judgment and hesitation after the night before, finding nothing but joy. _You're overthinking it_ he told himself as he pulled himself from the covers wandering to his wardrobe, but he couldn't get the image of Pattons worried and hurt expression from when Virgil finched back out of his mind. "Are you wearing yesterday's clothes or wanting to borrow some?" Virgil tried to occupy his mind with something else in hopes of feeling better, but then his mind raced again as he retained the image of Patton in his hoodie in his mind. 

"I can just wear yesterday's clothes" Patton replied, "I don't think dark is really my aesthetic" they added chuckling. Virgil felt his heart dropped trying to imagine Patton his dark clothes and ripped jeans with a chuckle. "Okay," Virgil gave a simple reply, pulling a large checkered grey shirt off its hangers along with a black band T and some ripped at the knee jeans quickly changing before reentering his bedroom. 

Patton was dressed when he entered, pastel purple long sleeve top under some light blue denim dungarees, Virgil's jacket still hung from their shoulders. Virgil smiled as Patton adjusted his glasses with a smile. "So what do you wanna do?" Virgil asked heading to his mirror to apply his eyeshadow, he caught Patton's reflection in the mirror. "Can we go to the park?" The grin on their face stretched from ear to ear causing Virgil to chuckle. 

"Yeah can do"

By 11 am they were walking down the street from Virgil's house towards the park, Patton was skipping ahead and turning to walk backward cheerily to talk every so often. "It's been a while since it was just us two hanging out" Patton smiled unruly curls on their head bouncing as they skipped. 

"Your not wrong aha" Virgil replied, it had been a while since he felt this good - especially after a night like the one he had, he was thankful to have Patton as a friend because just their presence alone was enough to calm Virgil sea of worry and thoughts. Once at the park Patton grabbed Virgil's hand dragging him to the swings. "I bet I can swing higher than you!" They cheered letting go of Virgil and starting to swing. 

"No fair!, you started before I did" Virgil followed suit kicking his legs back and forth forcefully to gain more height. And thus that's how they spent the remainder of the morning and spent time well into the afternoon, playing silly games and wandering around in the park. Soon enough it was about 4 pm and both friends realized how hungry they were having not eaten since breakfast.

"Come on, there's a really cute cafe up the road" Virgil smiled to Patton before they started heading the direction Virgil had pointed, side by side, hands brushing against one another. Once out on the street, Virgil took the risk **not thinking at all** as he hooked a finger around Patton's, and without even looked down at the hands Patton finished the connection, they both walked in content and comfortable silence.

They took a seat across from each other, Virgil took a glance around the cafe, it was fairly empty, a few elderly people scattered around the room and the staff beyond the counter. They talked idly as they waited for their orders, which arrived roughly 5 minutes later. They thanked their server for the food before going back to their conversation.

"Dark purple suits you" Virgil snickered referring to his jacket that hung on Patton's shoulders, Their face flushed red, averting their gaze. "I know I should have asked if I could wear it but, it's just so cozy, and....it smells like you so it comforting.." They mutter the last part hoping not to be heard but Virgil caught onto every word.

"I'm not mad Pat, I think it is cute" Virgil offered a small smile, there was something about Patton that was just so calming, he felt very little anxiety around them, he was happy around them. "What do I smell like," Virgil asked curiously with a smirk. The question seemed to have caught Patton off guard as red flushed to their freckled cheeks. There was a minute or two of silence before they answered. 

"Like and Open fire....and"Patton fetched the sleeve of the hoodie to their nose "and a hint of Lemon and Vanilla....its calming" Patton shrugged with a smile. After eating they headed back down towards the park, this time holding hands as soon as they were out of the cafe and not letting go even after they made their way back into the park.

"V. V. V. V" Patton tugged excitedly on Virgil's hand, "Yeah Pat?" He responded meeting their eyes. They turned excitedly pointing to a tree some ways away. "Can we climb it?" Their face filled with childlike wonder. Virgil nodded and they ran hand in hand towards it. 

Virgil climbed up first finding a branch with enough strength to hold both their weights before Patton followed. They both sat facing the setting sun - Patton's head leaning on Virgil's shoulder. Virgil's eyes were on the horizon he was actually considering confessing to Patton _just maybe_ he sighed. 

"Tell me, Pat, **Tell me how we got so up in arms,** when did we get so close," He turned with a smile Patton turned their face too, barely an inch of space between their faces. Patton smiled back, "It just kinda happened I guess, The unlikeliest of duos" Patton smiled his free hand reaching for Virgil's face, cupping his cheek in their hand. Virgil melted into Patton's hand. 

" **Tell me, why I thought I had lost this hopeful warmth?"** Virgil gave a sad smile, it's true, he was confident he had messed things up with Patton when he found out about his anxiety, and that feeling came back the night before when he opened up a little about his past even if he didn't share any details. "Oh Virge, "Patton soothingly rubbed circles on Virgil's cheek with their thumb. " **You're overthinking it** "Patton smiled.

"Actually, Right now - **I'm not thinking at all** " Virgil saw Patton's smile extend wider, Virgil knew in that instant that he found what he thought he could never, with Patton Virgil had found love.

and with that Virgil closed the gap between them - connecting their lips. 

**\------  
A/N**

**Arrrrrrrggg  
This wasn't an easy chapter to write, The angst was but writing soft lovey dove stuff when you aren't feeling great mentally isn't the easiest thing but I'm fairly happy with it!! I think the ending is rather cute and I enjoyed writing it (even if it took 12 hours to write).   
The ending was changed though, I wrote an adorable ending(which was the ending I chose in the end) but it felt like a story ending line when there are 3 chapters left so I had to change it, the last line was taken out and put back in so many times it was hard to choose the direction of the next chapter!   
Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!   
Let me know your thoughts!! **

**(Written April 4th, 2020)**

**-Neon**


	8. Blessing

** Chapter Eight|Blessing  
Point Of View|Patton **

By the time school had started up again, Patton and Virgil had barely spoken since their night in the park. Something just felt off but with only 2 days left before school started back up Patton left it, deciding it was something to deal with when they both saw each other next. 

Patton would be lying if they said they weren't hurt by the lack of communication between the two of them, granted they did nothing to counteract this. The whole night they had together felt unreal and they were left in a dazed trance by the time they got home. The next day Patton gave Virgil the usual reminder to take his meds but got no clear indication of a reply or if had been even read. 

Instantly they felt bad, they blamed themself for the actions of the night before, no matter what he did, their actions...the kiss was on their mind and they couldn't stop imagining the feeling of being on cloud nine, the heat that filled their body, the fact that Virgil initiated the kiss. 

He blamed himself because he must have pressured Virgil into such an act, Patton must have because there was no logical reason as to why Patton would be feeling so bad and Virgil would have been ignoring them if they didn't do something wrong. Right?

By the time Monday morning rolled around They were utterly exhausted and unprepared. Despite feeling like they had upset Virgil they didn't address the issue - the only communication between the two was Patton's reminders when they woke up in the morning and when they settle into bed for the night, for Virgil to take his meds. 

Of course, Patton didn't mean to ignore the issue at hand but felt as though fetching up the clear discourse between the two would only create further problems and felt that if Virgil wanted to talk, then he would - The last thing Patton wanted to be was petty and pushy on his friends. That's what Patton and Virgil were right...friends? 

With a heavy sigh, Patton hit send on their usual message to Virgil and proceeded to pull a heavy blue rucksack onto their back - stuffing phone into their pocket before following Decan out of the door towards the car. The ride to school was uneventful, just Patton and Dee creating idle chatter as per usual.

When Patton entered homeroom they were excited to see Roman and Logan again as they hadn't hung out over the week-long break - Logan and his family drove up north to see extended family and Roman was busy with preparations for the Fall production their school was holding later in November. 

"Morning Guys!" Patton beamed reaching their table by the back window, their heart a little saddened that Virgil wasn't present but didn't let it bother them too much because there were still several minutes before the bell went. "Greetings Patton" Logan offered a small warm smile looking up from his paper and Roman offered a greeting also. "I trust you had a good break?" He added and Patton hesitated - his smile almost faltering at the thought of how the week ended. Almost. 

"Yeah! It was good fun!" Patton gave their friends a wide smile before swinging their bag off their back, placing it on the floor by their chair. They pulled their light pink hoodie over their head, leaving themself in pale blue jeans and a simple colorful tee. "How about you two?" They were excited to hear about what their friends had gotten up too and before long their excited chatter was cut short by the bell. 

Still no Virgil. 

By the time lunch had rolled around Patton was worried, Virgil wasn't one to miss a day of school, he had expressed his concern and extreme discomfort for missing work - a side effect of his anxiety. Roman was the one to fetch up what they all had on their mind. "Have any of you even heard from Virge Today? or even over the break?" His voice was laced in concern and worry. "Over the break, we hung out but not heard from him since" Patton spoke up, Logan gave a calculating glance at his curly-haired friend but didn't say anything. 

"I'll drop him a text" Patton smiled but hands shook as they gripped their phone - unlocking it and opening up Virgil''s contact. They really didn't want to bother him but they were worried about the radio since they were getting. 

_Hey V, are you okay? haven't heard from you in a few days and we are all getting worried.  
I'm getting worried._  
  
Their finger hesitated on the send button before closing their hazel eyes and hitting it - instantly turning off the screen and putting the phone back into their pocket. Logan and Roman didn't seem to pick up on Patton's hesitation and tenseness which they thank the skies for as they didn't want to have to explain anything, The two of them just carried on with the chat they held. 

_**He told you to hold his hand**_ they breathed trying to organize their mind, _He initiated the kiss Patton, Pull yourself together and stop dwelling on something where you did nothing wrong. **should have counted it as a blessing...**_

Then it hit Patton - the reason behind Virgil's radio silence was because of Patton, but not because they did anything wrong that night, but how they went about ignoring the fact that it happened. Virgil has server anxiety - no doubt when Virgil awoke the next day to see that Patton hadn't even tried to hold a conversation or bring it up must have left Virgil thinking he made a mistake. 

By the time they had this epiphany they had bid farewell to Roman and Logan as was on their way to fifth period but instead of turning down the corridor towards their lesson Patton found themself sat out on the front steps of the school. They checked their phone and found no reply from his friend. 

No surprise really - Patton had been a horrible friend, they had a moment of intimacy in which Virgil let himself be vulnerable and Patton hadn't reassured Virgil about any of it. Patton deserved to be hated but they couldn't concern themselves with that now, they had to make things clear. They had to make this better....fix their mistake.

With a heavy sigh, Patton clicked the call button under Virgil's name - tears of regret and realization spilling from their eyes. It rang several times before Patton heard a sad sigh on the other end of the call. They spoke before he had a chance to. 

"Virgil, you don't have to say anything but I do. I have a lot of explaining to do" Their voice was shakey, their current predicament was clear in their words. "I've been a horrid friend, and I guess an even worse romantic interest. I took the silence I got the day after we hung out as the idea that I was in the wrong- I took it as you regretted it and didn't want to talk about it. I _wrongly_ assumed that you needed time and hoped when school came around we'd be talking again" 

Virgil tried to interject a few times but Patton's rushed but thought out sobbed words were never-ending - leaving no gap for him to interject. "But I understand now, I was so self-centered, so selfish. I finally understood that I wasn't the issue but I defiantly became it, I became the problem when I didn't take your anxiety into consideration." Patton breathe out heavy 

"Now - I'm not you - so once again I'm just taking a guess and assuming but the more I thought about it the more I realized I became the problem when I didn't fetch it up because you thought I regretted it, I made no effort to start a conversation and talk about that night because I thought I had done something wrong due to your silence but My silence caused you to fear you messed things up......I'm taking this time to fix my mistake, to correct my wrongs....to reassure you that I regret nothing of that night and its been on my mind ever since." 

Patton's word felt messy and out of order but they knew they weren't, they were worried about not saying something, missing out a large part of their half planned speech, In all honesty, Patton was surprised Virgil picked up - they expected to say all this into a voice mail but now they felt the pressure. 

"Patton Slow Down-" Virgil tried to interject again only to get shot down by Patton. 

"I'm not done. **Don't ever go second guessin'** the events of that night, my friendship for you....my feelings for you... **Don't go asking questions** about this because I don't think you'll find any answers that make sense, don't question your worth or actions because your worries and questions will fall on deaf ears because I will always try my best to dismiss these self-deprecating words and try help you see yourself in a better light. **Don't look around you,** don't see your efforts as useless or uncalled for - don't ever doubt yourself or anything you do"Pattons tears had stopped and all their words were pouring from their heart 

"I know you have an unfortunate past, and even though I don't know the details or even need them I know that my idiocy and denseness probably didn't help things - I hope I didn't cause you to see parallels in this between how I acted and who you were, I ask of you to **keep on standing forward** because I only strive to help you see things are better now, for you to see your not alone. 

I need to learn that I can't **paint a circle** and keep my feelings inside because truly that would be living a lie..... I'd be **fooling myself with open eyes**....because Virgil" There was a pause.

"I love you"

**\-------  
HOLY SHOOT  
  
This one took way too long to write - but not because of the chapter itself - it was because of the last line of the previous chapter - I didn't know whether or not to include it because it felt like it was ending the book - and then I got the brilliant idea of having even more angst XD **

**I honestly can't say if this chapter is any good because its the time of the Corona Virus which means I'm going stir crazy being in the house all the time so my ideas are kinda messy until down on the...screen I guess.**

**I'm not too sure if I like this chapter...  
Let me know what you think!!  
(Written April 8th, 2020) **

**-Neon**


	9. Warmth

**Chapter Nine|Warmth**  
 **Point Of View|Virgil**  
Warning: Strong Language, a small mention of self-harm 

Virgil had been on cloud nine when he returned home at roughly 8 pm. His mother greeted him with a smile - pleased to see that he looked so happy, it was a welcomed change. He returned the smile, and then exchanged a brief conversation about his day. 

By the time he was in his room his mind slowed and he released something - _what if he had messed everything up? What if Patton now hated him, was Patton even into boys?_ He found himself in this state far too often about far too many things. He had anxiety after all. He took a deep breath - he found himself in the bathroom staring at his reflection intently after splashing his face with water. 

"Patton Didn't do anything to show that they hated you - if anything the way they looked at you in the time you spent together afterward showed quite the opposite, don't overthink Virgil" The pep talk didn't help much as he ran his hand through his hair feeling his hands shake as his doubts intensified. 

Back in his room, he flopped down onto his bed, his meds in his hands - gripping them tightly. He thought through how much he had enjoyed himself today - thought about each moment he had with Patton, how happy he felt - how low his anxieties felt. Content Virgil opened the bottle taking a pill between his lips and grabbing his drink from the side of his bed. 

By noon the next day Virgil's anxieties had paralyzed him. when he awoke around 10 after about 4 hours sleep he found he had a text, his heart settling happily as he realized it was from Patton, his heart deflating when it was a simple reminder to take his meds - not a single mention from Patton about the night before - no thanks about having a good time together, no recognition of what happened between the two.

No assurance that he needed to be sure he didn't mess anything up. It was safe to say Virgil felt too mentally exhausted to take his meds that morning. 

Now Virgil laid buried under his covers, tears stained his cheeks from overthinking and overthinking and overthinking until he couldn't take it - he was close to relapsing, to ruining the progress he had made in the last 10 months... his head hurt so much as his scars burned for attention. 

He tried to tell himself that Patton's reminder that morning was clear evidence they didn't hate his but his mind always brought back the point that there was no other message accompanying it to show their reaction to the night before _what if they woke up and realized they made a mistake by hanging out with me._

He felt trapped by his own thoughts, both mentally and physically. He locked his door to avoid confrontation from his family - granted a knock did come and it cause Virgil to freeze up with fear. "Virgil, are you okay in there? you missed breakfast" they tried the door - it rattled against the lock triggering something in Virgil's mind....a memory. 

His breathing picked up and he clutched his head - ripping at his hair as the memory played out over and over about his past....about his dad...and about the abuse he was put through. 

A whimper left his lips and tears flowed down his cheeks - he was having a panic attack, he knows this but he couldn't move, couldn't even register it fully enough to know to breathe. He wasn't even aware of the person at his door was still there or not, He curled in on himself - shaking uncontrollably and feeling incredibly numb to everything around him. _He wanted Patton - He needed him....he calmed him down and he fucked up his friendship with him, he fucked everything up....he didn't deserve to be alive nevermind have frie-_

"Virgy?" 

His mind cleared and his breath caught in his throat as he suddenly grounded, he wasn't aware of how much time had passed. 

"Momma said you feel feeling bad again, like before, she said you can't play today and I shouldn't bother you but I wanted to make you feel better" The voice was sweet and kind. 

"We wanted to" Another voice added - Noah. 

"Yeah, We" The voice sounded cheery and happy, it gave Virgil a peace of mind. A smile almost ghosted on his lips. Almost. 

"Momma said that she doesn't know why but you are sad again, and it made her worry. We told her not to worry though! We told her that you got over the sadness once so you can do it again - because You're strong." Wren's voice was full of compassion and Virgil found himself listening to the words, letting them soak into his skin - unable to reply - sat with his back against the door. 

"Mom said that it was a big sadness when we asked how sadness can make you feel alone, she said it still remains from before you were with us. Mom didn't give out details as she said we were too young to understand but we wanted to help in any way we can - So we made you a letter for you to read if you ever feel this sad again - in the hope that it will help." Noah explained, pushing a piece of paper through the door.

"We will let you rest now - Mom said resting helps you too - Come on Wren" Noah added. 

"I love you Virgy! Hope we can play later!" 

And with that he heard them, most likely Wren, skip down the hardwood floor of the hall. Virgil found himself staring at the paper between his fingers with a smile. It reminded him he is safe - it reminded him he was getting better - that he was in a better situation which meant he can move on from his past. It reminded him he was loved. He held the paper close to his chest. 

Feeling extremely exhausted from the panic attack and anxiety he pulled himself back into bed - placing the letting under his pillow still unread. But not before taking his meds. 

If he didn't feel like taking them to get better on these days then he would take them for his siblings, for his family. 

( **a/n I ALMOST ended it here....then realized this is still 2 days behind the previous chapter and my main idea for this chapter was Virgil's reaction to Patton's call.)**

When Virgil awoke again he found him self feeling less drained and less alone, feeling well enough to leave his room and do some form of self-care. He grabbed a clean hoodie and some fresh Pj pants from his closet before grabbing his phone and walking out across to the bathroom - giving his phone screen a quick glance. 

_3 new notifications  
10:34 pm  
_

He signed scared to even check his notifications but did it anyways, his sigh had a hopeful undertone - which was quickly crushed and it was just Tumblr notifications and not one of his friends - more specifically Patton. 

He shook his head trying to clear it - he was feeling the best he had felt all day - he wasn't letting some silly thought bother him. if it was causing him too much of an issue he could just text Patton himself - _not that he'd actually do that because he didn't want to bother and cause any unnecessary issues._

One long-ass shower later, paired with a mini-concert as he sang to his music, he found himself dressed him his fresh PJs(it was **a** -too late to actually get dressed and **b** -wasn't feeling well enough for that much self-care) and walking down the stairs that lead into the living room - he would at least try to eat something. 

"Oh...Hi Virgil, I hope your feeling better, I won't ask you to explain what's up - you can do that when you feel up to it - but I will enquire about if it was an episode?" and by _episode,_ she meant an anxiety-induced depression, he had been apart of this family since July of the previous year and had a hard time settling in often falling into the episodes for a lot of the first 6 months. 

Virgil just offered a sad sigh and a nod. He saw Jessies face twist with worry, being still too exhausted to talk he simply shook his head reassuringly, pulling up the sleeves of his jumper to add extra reassurance, Jessie let out a breath after seeing no new marks offering Virgil a relieved smile and patting the space at the side of her on the sofa. Virgil complied. 

"So, was this just a short one - or is it still ongoing." Jessie held out a hand each time she offered a new option, Virgil often went- temporarily - mute after or during episodes most of the time and she came up with an effective way for them to still communicate, Virgil pointed to the second hand she lifted _still ongoing._ Virgil expected this when he decided on coming downstairs. This is how these usually went - though he hasn't had an episode he couldn't hide since August. 

"Now, we will start simple. Are you hungry" She asked, Virgil who nodded. "Full meal" she lifted one hand. "Or feeling sick and want something small" A second hand raised - Virgil pointed to it and Jessie nodded placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder before getting up and leaving the living room - coming back after a few moments with a packet of crisps.

She handed them to him before sitting back down. "Should I be worried" Was her next questions and Virgil almost considered lying but ultimately decided that in this situation she was helping and not judging, this stayed between them and a few details would be passed onto Matt, his dad. 

Virgil nodded. 

"Just Thoughts that you've dismissed or Thinking about acting on them," She asked, her face was sad but unjudgemental, she was just ensuring his state of mind so she could find how to best help. He pointed to the second. 

"Need a distraction from them?" Virgil gave a quick and desperate nod- he didn't want to ruin all his hard work and progress. Jessie gave him a sad smile, not a pitiful one but an understanding one before turning on the tv and opening her arms to him - he happily melted into them, shuffling over and placing his head on her shoulder and she wrapped an arm around him.   
"Thank you, Virgil, for trusting me with what's on your mind - You've come so far from where we started" she rudded caring circles on his back and he curled up further. 

"Thank you For being there for me...Mom" was all Virgil offered before giving in to the exhaustion that still pulled on his mind - Jessie gave a warm smile. They truly had come a long way -he was opening up more, settling in more and more every day and that was the first time he had called her Mom. 

He had shared with her within his first few months with them that he won't be calling them Mom or Dad - he had expressed how the last person he called Dad had ruined his life so it was understandable and that his mum just sat and watched - he gave the title of his parents to people who weren't worth it - people who hurt him and he didn't want to make that mistake again. 

This new developed showed his progress loud and clear - the hold his past has on him was minuscule now, his birth parents held no power over him anymore.   
He had finally found someone worthy of the title of Mom, someone he knows is there for him and won't ever harm him.

and that warmed Jessie's heart. 

( **a/n FFS I want to end it here too!! 1900 words and haven't even got to what I wanted to be the main part of the chapter - it probably won't** **be that big of a part now xD)**

The next day came and went in a bit of a blur - he was woke by Jessie around 9 am with the information that breakfast was ready. He could still feel the anxiety induced Depression coursing through his body so after a few hours of playing with his siblings - and thanking them for the kind words and explaining how much they helped (Wren and Noah were over the moon about this) Virgil was back in his room by noon. 

Jessie and Matt understood this. In his current state, his energy was significantly depleted rather quickly - just an hour or 2 of social interaction would leave his mind foggy and body numb. They didn't want to bother him too much as a large part of these episodes was him getting himself out of it as his heightened anxieties caused him to see any help as pitty and it made things worse. 

It didn't help that Patton had once again only messaged to remind Virgil of his meds - clearly, Patton just saw it as an obligation now than an act of kindness, and Virgil was very, very aware that tomorrow he'd have to be late to the first day back at school - if he made it at all - as it was his 3-month mental health assessment - aka therapy and he really wasn't looking forward to it. 

11:30 Monday morning came around too quickly and Virgil wasn't prepared yet here he was sat in the waiting room of the office where his meetings would take place. Jessie was insistent on coming but that would mean she'd have to miss work and Virgil didn't want to cause her any trouble reassuring that he'd let her know how it went.

He was mostly out of his episode now luckily, meaning he was just dealing with the after-effects- the sluggishness, the subtle shakes, and the little heightened anxiety. Virgil heard his name get called and he stood up slowly - unsure. This was the first of his therapy sessions - he got up on the waiting list back in August (They saw his as a severe case and put him on the urgent list.) when he was diagnosed with severe anxiety, anxiety-induced depression, and possible PTSD. 

"Hello, I'm Dr. Emile Picani, I trust you are Virgil Theodor Dusk?" Virgil gave a small nod as he sat down across from them. He winced slightly at his middle name - it was the name of his birth father and because he wasn't 18 yet he couldn't change it so he just claimed to not have a middle name. "Is there an issue with your name?" The Dr noticed Virgil's response making some notes. 

Virgil thought for a moment before nodding "Just..call me Virgil please" the therapist nodded writing down a note to come back to the reason behind that at a later date.   
The next hour was spent with Virgil and Picani discussing how his meds had been helping and about how he was feeling, the therapist slipped in some cartoon references which soothed Virgil as it didn't seem as serious and professional as he was expecting. 

When he left he felt relieved - he didn't expect himself to like it as much as he did but none the less he was happy about going through with it. He knew this was just an introductory session and they'd get more and more into the reason for his therapy each week - his past - but Virgil found the playfulness of this Dr.Emile Picani comforting. 

Before long he was on the bus home - it was a little past one meaning he had the opportunity to travel back to school for his remaining lessons but even though his session was less taxing than expected - the anxiety and worry he felt beforehand still left him far too on alert and on edge for his comfort and ultimately decided to go back home. He dropped a text to Jessie and he plugged in his earphones and silently hummed to his music while he waited for his stop. 

( **a/n here we are - below is what was meant to be the main chunk of at least 1000 words, let's see how this goes, currently at 2700)**

By the time his phone rang it was after two and he'd not been home very long, grabbed himself a snack and kicked off his shoes taking a seat on the sofa and was about to watch Tv when the ringing of his phone startled him. He read the name carefully _Patton._ He almost ignored it - to avoid confrontation but he was still on a high about how well his session when and barely hesitated when he answered it - putting it on speaker.

He was about to start his apology about the last time they spoke, about how he was sorry for being dumb and not thinking but before he got a word in Patton was off - they were rambling and ranting falling over their words, Their voice was croaked _Patton was crying_. Virgil listened to every word - soaked in everything he was told letting it sit in his heart.

Listening to his friend, his crush, sob over the phone line broke his heart. He began to blame himself for being so dumb, he only thought about himself - he didn't even think about maybe Patton though they were in the wrong. Virgil knows how sensitive his friend is, he should have known that by not fetching it up himself he was leaving his friend to jump to the worse conclusion but he was so wrapped up in his own issues, so engulfed in his own self-pity he forgot to think about the feelings of his friends.

"Patton, slow dow-" He tried to interject but Patton spoke straight over him continuing on their rant, their...apology. By now Patton sounded like their crying had stopped but Virgil had now started. His stupidity and selfishness got him caught up within himself, he let his friend down - his friend was doubting themself while ensuring Vigril not to doubt their friendship and relationship and the words stuck, the words slipped into his heart and mind and settled comfortingly. So many nights **wide awake in the witching hour** were useless, for nothing.

Here Patton is apologizing, yes, of course, Virgil wanted the assurance from Patton that he didn't do anything wrong but friendships, relationships even, aren't one-sided he shouldn't have expected Patton to reassure him, they should have been reassuring each other - making sure each other were okay.

They both realized this - they both came to the conclusion that this only came about because they didn't communicate. Virgil would take another thousand times of being **wide awake in the witching hour** being alone with his own mind as punishment for his actions, for punishment for his ignorance.

Virgil tried several times to interject to no avail but when Patton broke their sentence and left a moment of silence Virgil didn't pipe up - he was far more intrigued by how Patton would end their apology.

" **I love you"**

Virgil got caught in shock, he hadn't expected Patton to say it, not after how Virgil had treated them and Patton quickly ended the call before he could reply.

with a quick glance to the clock, Virgil found that it was almost 3 o clock meaning he knew where Patton would have been to make the call. _The front steps of the school_. Patton and Virgil found themselves there often over the last few weeks before the break - whenever one of them was feeling down they'd go there and talk to make each other feel better even if it meant skipping class.

In a rush - also in hopes that Patton was still there - He rushed out of the front door gripping his phone running as fast as he could to the school - to talk to Patton.....to finally say it back because there was no doubt about it now.

Virgil was sure that he _loved_ Patton too.

**\-------**

**A/N**

**WOAHHHHH this chapter was sooooo fun to write. I had no clear direction when writing it because I fucked up with what lyrics I was using in each chapter I didn't have any for this one like an idiot!**

**All I knew is it would center around Virgil's response to the call - it didn't turn out this way but I love it none the less. This part only came up to about 700 words of the chapter!**

**This is my LONGEST chapter at 3404 words long so your welcome xD  
The next chapter is the last one so be prepared for fluff- maybe!!!  
I also almost missed getting Picani in my story and genuinely came up with a random therapist instead xD**

**Let me know your thoughts! I hope you enjoyed reading.  
(Written April 9th, 2020)**

**-Neon**


	10. Honest

** Chapter Ten|Honest **   
** Point Of View|Patton **   
Trigger Warning: Slight Mention Of Self Harm!

Patton sat staring at their hands, fresh tears running down their face, They thought about going into their last class but was hoping for Virgil's reaction beforehand, _Did I mess up even more?_ was all that ran through their mind as they got no reply after 10 minutes. With a sad sigh, they lifted themselves into a standing position turning to enter then building, Eyes red and puffy and hands shaking. 

"Patton! Patton wait!" The voice caught their attention as they lay their hand on the door handle, they almost didn't look. thinking they imagined it. Almost.

They caught sight of someone in dark clothes , with dark hair running their way clearly breathless. "Virge-?" it was safe to say Patton was shocked, they hadn't expected Virgil to text back a reaction never mind show up to the school steps. 

Patton stood in a silent shock - even more, tears slid down their cheeks, only this time they were happy tears. Hopeful tears. Virgil finally caught up, doubling over with his hands on his sides to catch his breath. "Virgil I-" Virgil put a hand up stopping Patton from speaking. 

When he finally caught his breath enough to talk he started what he had to say. "You've had your turn, Patton, Now its mine" a smile ghosted on his lips. Patton nodded curiously and they sat back down their friend joining them not once making eye contact, their face was red with both blush and embarrassment of their words and confession. 

"I never meant for you to feel in the wrong, you were right - my anxiety got the best of me and when the only text I got the next day was the usual reminder my heart was crushed, I was scared I had fucked up, scared I had messed up, scared that I had lost you" Virgil's voice was strong but wavered a little, Patton's face twisted into guilt and sadness realizing they had caused this. 

"But none of that was your fault"- the words caught Patton's ears it was as if Virgil could sense their thoughts. "if anything it was mine, okay so honestly I think the both of us were in the wrong- I mean **can I...can I be honest?** " Virgil looked at Patton expectantly, they offered a small nod - tears brimming and thoughts racing. 

"With my anxiety in mind, I needed reassurance of my actions, that I didn't ruin anything by kissing you but I should have also reassured you...I know how sensitive you are, I know how quickly you tend to jump to the wrong conclusions...I should have been reassuring you as well. " Patton had a small smile on their lips even as tears spilled onto their freaked cheeks. They thought about adding to the conversation but could see that Virgil hadn't finished yet and decided to hold their thoughts until afterward. 

"A relationship - be it friendship or otherwise - needs communication, they aren't one way and shouldn't be treat as such. So I'm sorry Patton. I am so very sorry for the blindness that my mind caused me. Due to my own insecurities, I slipped into a depressed state, induced by my anxiety, I forgot how to live... I almost broke my promise " Patton's hand slowing found itself gently holding onto Virgil's wrist. 

"May I?" Their voice was quiet and choked, Vigiril nodded. Patton pushed up the sleeve of their friend's jumper, fingers ghosting and tracing over old scars and marks. Patton found out about Virgil's habit just before Christmas break of the previous year while at one of their Tuesday sleepovers and swore to help Virgil get better and Virgil promised to stay clean just over a month later. 

"It did indeed start because I felt the need to be assured about our actions and once I didn't receive that my mind caused me to spiral - but I realized, after Noah and Wren wrote me a letter about how much they loved me, that I am loved, that just because my mind tells me something It doesn't mean its true" Patton looked up with wide eyes at their friend, hand still absentmindedly following the jagged lines on their friend's arm - relieved that they hadn't caused a relapse. 

"It took me until early this morning to pull myself out of the dark place but I still couldn't fetch myself to text you- I still believed I had messed everything up and didn't want to bother you or make things worse, I even began to believe that your daily reminders were just an obligation you felt you had to do rather than making sure I'm okay-"

"But I don't see it as an obligation!!! I never have...I just want both help you get better.." They trailed off with a sigh looking away and toward the ground suddenly finding their feet much more interesting. Heat rushed to their cheeks in embarrassment at their outburst. 

A gentle hand came up to their face, cupping their chin and directing their vision back to Virgil, they also felt Virgil take their hand in his. "I know Pat...I know. My mind lies to me a lot and I know this, it can just get....very convincing. " Virgil offered a sad smile - Patton returned it only wider.

Patton soon found his head on their friend's shoulder and they sat in silence hand in hand staring at the floor. "Why weren't you here today?...was it because of me?" Patton's voice was almost a whisper and Virgil gave a small chuckle in response before talking. 

"Of course not, don't be silly. I had my first therapy check-in today is all...I didn't think you'd care so I didn't text ya..." his free hand came up to his neck awkwardly. "Of Course I care, now who's the silly one" Patton stuck their tongue out with a wide grin. Virgil laughed. "How did it go?" Patton was curious they were made aware it was coming up but wasn't sure about the details. 

Virgil let out a sound that seemed the mix between a sigh and a laugh. "Better than expected, I was so worried and anxious about it that even though it went well I was too exhausted to go to my classes...and then you called. " Virgil smiled, Patton tightened their grip on Virgil's hand fidgeting. "Sorry about that" they muttered. Patton checked their phone real quick seeing school was almost over. 

"Fancy going for a walk?" Patton enquired and Virgil nodded in response. Patton took note of the fact that there was very little tension between the two, which only made them smile wider. 

They found themselves wandering towards the park again, smiled on their lips and hands still held. "I was scared, Pat...I thought I had lost you" Virgil's voice was sad. "Me too V...Me too. But look - we figured things out and pretty quickly too!!" Patton smiled but their mind wandered remembering how they ended the call and how there had been nothing said about it. Patton's heart hurt but they ignored it. 

Before long they were back in the same tree as before, it had been a few hours and they had spent the time walking through the sun, though it was a little cold due to it being November. They swung on the swings for a while with loud laughs and big smiles and sat under the large tree just talking and smiling at each other, whether intentionally or not both slipped flirts into their chats. 

The fall sun began to set as they sat upon the thick branch, legs swinging. They had apologized way too many times to one another over the time of being talking again and it made each other laugh every time. The only bad thing Patton had on their mind was the fact that their feelings clearly weren't returned, from an outside point of view it would seem the exact opposite especially as they barely stopped holding hands but Patton just took this as a sign of friendship.

Patton couldn't take the thoughts any longer and brought it up into conversation. "I'm sorry for how I ended the call I know it was dumb...I was just hoping I guess. You can just forget I ever said anything-" Patton was cut off as their face was cupped and their eyes were met with amber ones, a soft expression on his face. 

"Patton" Virgil leaned closer slightly. 

"Don't ever doubt yourself, and don't ever doubt our relationship." Patton could take their eyes way from Virgils. "I know I overthink things and worry - and I know you do the same. I bet you are like this too but I often find myself with **open eyes at witching hour,** you on my mind. I would do anything for you, I'd take on the world for you. Patton I.." Virgil trailed off closing the gap - connecting their lips.

The kiss was slower than their last but held so much more meaning and care, there were an understanding and an underlying passion. To them, it seemed to last forever while realistically it lasted mere seconds and when they pulled from the kiss Patton leaned their forehead on Virgils, Smile on lips and a racing heart. 

"Love you" Virgil finished his sentence. "and I promise to always be there for you, I promise to help you through anything and everything and always be by your side. Do you promise too?" Virgil's amber eyes were lit by the sunset. Patton breathlessly nodded their head against their friends. "Then to seal the promise.." Virgil stared at Patton's lips and Patton understood this to be him asking for permission and to answer, Patton, leaned in connecting their lips. 

The kiss held the promise. The promise that if the ever found themselves wide awake with **Open eyes at witching hour** they'd be thinking of each other.   
  


**\--------**

**A/N**   
**IT'S DONE!!**   
**hOLY SHIT ITS DONE.**

**I had so much fun writing this and its the quickest I've ever finished a story - really I've only finished 2 before this one, one took 4 years and the other took 2 whereas this one took about 11 days.**

**I really hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!! technically there were more song lyrics for this chapter but I couldn't get them in as they were the same line repeated so I just used it the once.**

**There will be an epilogue, nothing big or fancy just a little something - granted that will probably not come out for quite some time because I've got to decide just how far forward I want to take it.**   
**(As of June 6th I still don't know lol)**

**I hoped you enjoyed, let me know what your favorite parts were!!**   
**(Written April 12th, 2020)**

**-Neon**


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